Sunday, March 21, 2010

21 March 2010

I have not written in so long.
I am pretty good actually, I'm watching Julie & Julia.
I love this film.
I met a boy I like.
His name is Adam, and he is just such a gentleman.
I have gained some weight :(
So diet starts tomorrow.
I had some fondue, and it was so delicious.
I don't want to do math homework.
Well, I am switching schools too.
I know I have no followers but I have some faith someone will someday.
I wish I was in Europe right now.
I want a boyfriend!
This movie is making me so hungry!
These omlettes looks delicious...
I love this film.
There isn't much to say.
I am having a party this weekend, and I'm utterly excited.
I get my license soon!
I applied for a job at Target :)
The one I used to be in love with, and I are speaking again.
Weird... haha.
I need to go to the gym now!
I'm going to bed now.
&<3;s

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

22 February

I'm feeling a lot better.
Things with my boy and I didn't seem to work out.
We broke up today.
I also saw the Diary of Anne Frank in a play.
That's all alright though because I didn't really want to go to school.
I met a new boy this weekend.
He's intelligent, charming, sarcastic and cute.
Ahhh!
Plus he plays water polo, yum yum.
We hung out saturday until four am.
I also went to a few parties, that was fun!
So i have this fiance... in Germany... nbd.
I love him to death.
We talked today and he said:
"meine aler wertester schatzi"
Meaning my most adored/valued lover.
:)
He loves me.
He's fucking GORGEOUS.
Loaded, and smart.
I'm in loveeeeeeeeee.
He lives waaay to far though but he's dead set on marrying me.
DEADSET.
I like it though :)
I bought a bagel earlier and it's calling my name.
Well, no one messed with me today.
So it was shinier for me.
Which is always nice.
I think I'm prego...
FML.
Anywho, I had better get off and let my MSN download.
Toodles.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Death

Dear readers,
Today was the day I planned to be my last day. I cried, and finally broke down. Life is a precious gift that, like many other, I take for granted. You get one life. As I sit here on my bed, and have been crying all night - I think to myself why? I have cried so much these past two months. These people have literally made my life a living hell. I have cried constantly, been so hurt and having thoughts of suicide. I sat down, and literally looked up ways to commit suicide. I did. Now, I am sitting here crying. I'm so hurt, and so unhappy - but it has to end at some point.

If sticks and stones can break your bones, then why do words generally hurt worse? I just don't understand why what someone says, can ruin your entire day. I am so upset right now, I called the suicide hotline and talked for 45 minutes. I looked up websites on why you shouldn't kill yourself, and it only made me cry more. I deleted my facebook, and I feel like I have to give up everything to get them to just go away.

The thoughts of suicide are still in my head, but there is two things holding me back. I want to live in Europe but I can't do that if I'm dead. Plus, my parents. I couldn't hurt them like that. It may not always seem like they care, but they do. They love me, and the looks on their face... I couldn't forgive myself, and I would be sent straight to hell.

So, the only thing I can do...
Dear God,
Please help me.
Give me strength.
Don't let me do this.
Give me reason to live.
Help me see the good.
Help me to not cry.
Be appreciative.
Be happy.
Please.
Amen.

<3

Let me make it through the night.
I am going to turn on Christopher Drew, and hope that all goes well.
Cross my fingers, and hope to live.
I love you.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

17 February

Weird thing about today is two of my ex-boyfriend's birthdays are today.
Funny right?
School went by pretty quickly today, because it was a late start and we had mass.
I got a tank on happy aquarium just for my jelly fish :)
Nothing exciting happened today.
It went by pretty fast and I spent a lot of it sleeping.
My nan and I got into a fight, but we're good now.
She wiped tooth paste off my face onto my towel, and like accidentally where my boob was.
It was funny at the time.
I met a new guy today!
He is so cute.
I definitely ate a whole bag of chex mix in front of him...
I have a test tomorrow, I am not prepared.
Plus a rough draft paper that isn't typed.
Yikes.
Now, I need to call my man and sleep.
Love you! xxx

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My Idealistic Children :)

When I grow up I want three children, in this order. I want two sons, then a daughter. There is a specific way I want them to be raised, because I feel like my parents never pushed me hard enough. I sort of wish that they would have taken more action in my spare time.

My first child would be named Preston Lowry. I adore that name. My second son would be Klaus. It's pronounced "kuh-luh-ow-se". I would make sure that they both played soccer from the time they were old enough to be inrolled. I would have them both play water polo, and fence. I want both of my sons to fluently speak German and be intelligent. I want them to grow up, and go to Ivy League schools. I want what is best for my children.

With my daughter, her name will be Ariella. It's pronounced "are-re-elle-uh". I'd like to inroll her in Irish dancing, and have her do competitions. This is basically tap, ballet and a beauty pagent rolled into one. She would learn German also, and have her privite tutor. I would make sure she knew how to cook and clean properly. I want her so suceed in life as well, and go to Ivy League schools too.

Monday, February 15, 2010

15 February

Sorry I haven't written in a few days, things have been hecktic.
My birthday was yesterday <3 I got a lot of money, food and candy. My diet starts today. Well, my boy is just in a shit mood. He isn't leaving, which is good for me... Now, he's all pissy and refusing to cheer up. I just had to tell him not to get snippy because I have done nothing wrong. All I do is try and cheer him up. My friend is over, she's so funny. We're watching the hangover. She has been with me legit, all weekend. Now - we're in a fight. Goodie.. Anyways, she was like going through my stuff two days ago and I died. She picked up my pepper spray and sprayed her arm. She thought it was perfume, so she smelled it. I will never forget that. I died, I seriously peed my pants. Not much has gone on, just chilling. I am officially IN love with Aaron Johnson, he is dead sexy. I am so not in the mood to be in a fight with him right now. Whatever. I want pizza, damn it. I gotta save my money for Europe money for the summer. I need a job so bad, I would sacrifice my weekends for a job and to babysit. I just want to go to Europe and get some sex god men. I am so tired of all these jerky American boys. Doug off the Hangover is SO sexy. I don't even want a relationship right now, they are so stressful. I just want summer to be here, and I want to get out of this town. I am so sick of this place. I love you all! xx

well, my boy and I didn't talk for the rest of the day. Then like our night ritual I called him, and when I asked him what he was going he told me he was thinking about me. Well, he ended up saying sorry for being dick to me today and that he should have been nice. I know it was a simple thing, but it just showed he cares. Well, talked to my parents and I get to go to England for 2 1/2 weeks over the summer! I am really excited. I am a very happy girl right now, and I get to see my boy tomorrow who said he is going to kiss me the second he sees me :)

My friend and I attempted cleaning my room today and failed miserably. Now I have all these little piles of things around my room.. My room is completely trashed. It's so disgusting right now.. I am completely obsessed with Aaron Johnson by the way. I have to get up at six and write the introduction paragraph to my Hitler paper... I am not looking forward to that seeing at its 11:15 and I still have to keep talking to my boy. He is just too cute! Well, enough about that - I'm going to bed. Nighty night!

My Perfect Man Story

The sun was finally setting as I sat down on my couch. I looked out the window to see a Monet looking moment. The colors were so beautiful. They varied from purple and pink to blue and orange. The touch of a soft hand lightly brushing against my cheek made me glance up to a beautiful tanned man. A smile appeared on my face and a kiss was put on my lips. The softness of his lips felt like silk sheets on your bed.
“You look beautiful, darling.” The British accent escaped his lips to change how the words sounded. Preston was absolutely perfect and I was never more in love with anything or anyone in my entire life. He was beautiful and made me feel like I was the most important girl in the world. I had completely surrendered myself to him and let him in completely. I never had to lie to him, and he would never lie to me. I felt like I could be completely faithful toward him and I didn’t want to even think of anyone else. A beautiful white gold five karat diamond ring from Tiffany and Company sat on my left ring finger. Sitting next to me on the couch as we watched Spain and Germany have a footy match, we cheered for Germany together. The perfect tan on his body looked stunning with his blue Ralph Lauren sweater on.
“I am the luckiest man in the world to have you. You know that you’re the most beautiful girl I have ever set my eyes on, and it would kill me to ever lose you. No girl is ever as good as you, and I don’t even deserve you. You are my princess though, and I will always be sure to treat you like the one you are.” Preston pushed my hair back behind my ear and smiled to me. He had the most beautiful white teeth and perfect smile for any 22 year old I had ever seen. I honestly thought he looked perfect. The room smelled like vanilla, and he smelled even better. I ran my hands through his light brown hair, and tugged a little to pull him closer. I gave him a small kiss on the lips and pulled back to smile at him.
“I love you.” I let the sentence flow out of my mouth. I had always had a problem with getting bored with guys and losing the butterfly feeling in my stomach. I never lost that feeling or the adrenaline of a passionate kiss. I gazed into his perfectly sculpted face and took in the details. The way his blue eyes flickered in the light and how they were the color of the sea after a storm. I noticed how when he smiled his left cheek had a dimple and his lips were a light shade of red. I loved the way his hair was short but was always placed over perfectly and even if I messed it up it still looked cute.
Preston stood up and walked into the kitchen. He was so tall, dark and handsome. I always noticed other girls looking at him and trying to talk to them. He always stayed so polite but never flirted back. He was the perfect example of a gentleman. Not only did he never curse around me, but he always held the door open for me. He had manners and my parents loved him. We shared our love of futbol and polo. We had met a few years back when I was on vacation in England. The day we met, I was only seventeen and he was eighteen. We ran around London and partied all night. We did crazy things like steal people’s lawn ornaments and running from the owners coming out to yell. The day ended in rain and we were both soaking wet. Although I looked awful, he still grabbed my chin and kissed me. I knew at that moment I loved him. We made a promise that we would stay with each other, and when I was old enough to move I’d be with him. We kept our promise, and every day until then we talked.
“Here you are.” Preston said as he sat back on the couch and handed me a diet pepsi without ice. He knew everything about me and I felt so comfortable around him. I sipped on it as I watched Christiano Ronaldo chase after the high lighter yellow ball. I leaned back onto his perfectly toned and muscular body and he wrapped his arm around me. This was such a little moment, but I was so happy.
“I want a baby.” I said in all seriousness looking up at him.
“I do too, I hope it looks like you. I’m sure you could make our child the most beautiful child in Europe.” He said kissing me on the forehead and looking back to the game.
“I want a son, and I want to name him Klaus.” I said with a smile. He smiled back and touched my hair.
“Anything for you princess.” That sentence right there is why I loved him so much. He was such a good and nice guy that he would bend over backwards for me. When I was offered drugs and things I didn’t want to do, he always stood up for me. I knew he would beat up anyone who would hurt me, and I know for a fact that he would never let me down. Preston kept every promise he ever made and wrote me the sweetest notes that just made my day.
The day of our one year anniversary he covered the room in roses and left me little notes about how much he loved me and every detailed he loved about me. The notes lead me around the house and each one made me smile more and more. I then go in to find my childhood teddy bear I loved and my favorite meal cooked for me. The entire night we watched 1980’s movies that I loved and did everything I wanted. He was as sweet as he could be. That day he also knew I had never seen a fashion show, and he took me to see one.
The match had finished and luckily Germany had victory over Spain. Preston leaned over and gave me a kiss in celebrating Germany’s victory. We were young and in love. I felt like my life was something out of a fairytale. I knew that no man could love me ever as much as Preston does. He stood up and grabbed my hand pulling me with him and we sat out on the balcony. The sun had set and the lights of London were twinkling in the distance. It was so peaceful, and the moon had come out. Preston returned with a glass of champagne and a box of chocolate cover strawberries.
“I think that God has a purpose for everything in the world. Whether it just be a single blade of grass to make an entire field become something, or a root to support a tree. I believe that God gave me a purpose, and it is to eternally love you. I believe that true love only happens once and once you find it, you shouldn’t let it go. These days so many people are only looking for sex or a quick hookup. The feeling of love and thought of a relationship only makes them cringe, and it sickens me. I love you with my entire heart, and not a single girl in the world could compare to you.” Preston then smiled to me, and my heart felt so warm. I felt so happy, and all I could do is smile. He held his champagne glass up to mine and we toasted. “There isn’t any other girl I’d rather be here with tonight.” He finished his speech and sipped his champagne. The bubbles in the glass tickled my throat as I drank it.
“You know that I feel the exact same way and I love you completely. Preston, you are my other half. I don’t know what I would do without you in my life. You have helped me through so much, and I just want you to know I’d do anything for you. In my eyes you’re perfect.” I smiled and he smiled back to me. Preston leaned in and softly kissed my lips. I reached onto the back of his head and grabbed a handful of his hair and pushed my lips harder into his. I felt him smirk before he kissed me back, and put his hand under my chin. The sound of crickets and a light summer’s breeze played in the background as our romantic scene continued. The more we kissed the more my stomach dropped and I had to swallow the nervous lump in my throat. He never left me without my head rushing from the adrenaline or my stomach weak from the nervous happiness.
“The night is young baby, let’s save some for later.” He gave a chuckle when he finished the sentence and I bit my lip while taking another sip of the champagne. I could feel it starting to give me a bit of a buzz and I was even happier. The night ended in a lot of champagne, kisses and laughs. It was a good way to spend the first day of summer. It’s always nice to curl up next to someone you love. I fell asleep with his arms around my waist and face next to mine. I felt so safe and secure. I was in love and I wasn’t going to let anyone or anything change that.
A few weeks had passed and one morning as Preston was getting ready I had some news to give him. I walk into the bedroom to see him sliding on his black suit with a light blue tie. He looked gorgeous as always. I smiled and then said, those four dreaded words.
“We need to talk.” A look of concern flushed his face as he pulled the collar on his short down. He walked toward me and grabbed a hold of my elbow.
“What’s wrong love?”
“It’s not bad, but I am a little scared.”
“Okay, well tell me. We’re in everything together.”
“I’m pregnant!” I yelled with a smile on my face and handed him the pregnancy test. His entire face lit up and he smiled. He picked me up and spun me around. Before he let me back down he kissed me and smiled once more.
“I’m going to be a dad!” Preston looked so happy, he picked me up and flung me onto the bed. He put his head on my stomach and listened for a moment. Then started to joke around as if he were talking to the baby, he ended up tickling me until my eyes watered.
“I’m so happy.” I said smiling as he leaned over me. My head was rested on the pillow, and I looked straight into his beautiful eyes.
“I am too. We’re going to be parents. No, we’re going to be the world greatest parents.” He smiled to me and stood up. “I don’t want to be late, but I am telling everyone at work. I can’t wait for them.” He kissed my cheek, grabbed his bag and left.